Today we went to the dr and Baby A is about 5lb 1oz and Baby B is about 5lb 7 oz. So yep...that's over 10lb of baby! My stomach is measuring 46 weeks...yes that's right 46 weeks!! My stomach is the size of someone who has been carrying a baby for 46 weeks....(please keep in mind that the reguler gestation is 40 weeks) so my stomach is 6 weeks bigger than most people will ever get. I literally wanted to CRY when she told me that. This is part of that emotional roller coaster.
I have some days where I am determined to carry these babies as far as I need to because I want them to be big and healthy! I would LOVE for these boys not to have to do any NICU time and get to come home right away. That is the ideal situation! Then there are other days (like finding out exactly how huge your stomach is) where I just cry/or want to cry because my body hurts so much and I'm so uncomfortable and all I want is to have these babies right now because I'm just emotionally and physically done!
There are also times that I get so sad thinking about not carrying these boys around with me and getting to keep them all to myself...feeling them squirm and wriggle. Then there are the moments I hear another pregnant person (usually only carrying one baby) complain about being pregnant...because they are so uncomfortable....and I literally want to punch them in the face....because half the time they are significantly smaller than I am....because after all, I am the size of a 46 week pregnant woman!!! This is when I usually have to calm myself down and tell myself that I must just be tougher than them (not necessarily true...but it helps) and that I too complained when I was pregnant with Peyton. Sigh!!
Sometimes I get so sad thinking that my time alone with Peyton is almost up...and sooner, rather than later, she will have to share me. And that makes me sad...because she deserves all of my attention. But then I think about how I can't wait to cuddle with her again when my belly isn't getting in the way and she can actually fit on my lap again. And I can make it around the block with her without needing to come home and put my feet up and drink a big glass of water because I'm having contractions.
So these are some of the daily struggles that I endure! And I keep trying to remind myself...that there is ultimately a light at the end of the tunnel! And I'm sure that these next 4 1/2ish weeks will go by faster than I can even imagine. In fact next week is my last week without a Dr appt....I still have my NST but no Dr appt. Then after that I have a Dr appt and ultrasound every week and I will still go to the hospital for my weekly NST. This will keep us busy and help time to fly.
Now if only I could figure out how to control the DAMN emotions!!!!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment