The simple things

I couldn't imagine having more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and Holiday season. I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful children. 

I'm sitting in the recliner, after Turkey dinner, holding Jensen while he sleeps.  Trevor is napping next to me in the Mamaroo. Peyton is napping up in her room and Bryce is cleaning up the kitchen. This Thanksgiving we stayed home, with just our family of 5 (and 2 dogs!). We have been watching Jurassic Park all day (Peyton loves the dinosaurs),cooking dinner and putting up our Christmas Tree.  We have all been in our pjs just playing and enjoying each other.  I honestly couldn't have asked for a better day. 

I'm thankful that Bryce and I got to have this day to ourselves to enjoy Peyton and all her feistiness, to enjoy the boys and of course enjoy each other. The holidays are all about family and it's great to get to get together with all of your family and laugh and talk and make memories....but sometimes it's more important to take time to value your smaller immediate family and make those memories that really matter, as small as they may be.

We often take for granted the time we spend at home. I spend all day with my kids...but to be honest much of that time is currently spent waiting for nap time, crying when all 3 kids have meltdowns and hoping I remember to feed everyone. So getting today to really enjoy my family was pretty special. Realizing that both boys will have their first Christmas and we need to get them ornaments with their names on it, showing Peyton how to decorate the tree and watching her take all the ornaments off after I just put them on are things that are so simple...yet so special!  And it really is the simple things that remind you of all that you have to be thankful for.....

How baby wearing saved my life

One of the hardest parts about having twins is the lack of arms you quickly realize you have. Without a doubt, one or more baby always wants to be held...and Peyton typically still needs mom to do something for her. 

Since I spend my days at home, typically without help, I can't effectively do everything I need...or my kids need...with only 2 arms. 

My solution...baby wearing. It has become the newest fashion trend in my house. While baby wearing, I can still have 2 free hands to hold another baby, pour milk, play with Peyton...or do it all!!!  

Now...if I could only figure out how to wear both babies!!!

Aside from the excitement of baby wearing....we have had a tough and exhausting week. Peyton has had another ear infection. 

Monday-Wednsday were seriously days from hell!!  Poor little Peyton had a high fever and just felt like crap. She cried most days and ONLY wanted mom!! Thank goodness Bryce's mom was with us to help out. I'm not sure how I would have survived without her help!! I was literally carrying a baby and Peyton for 3 days. I felt so bad for my baby girl. Seeing your children sick is the most heartbreaking thing ever!!  So glad she's feeling better. 

And I can't forget...the boys turned 1 month yesterday!! And in just over a month Peyton will be 2 years old!!

Super...what!?!?

The boys are almost 4 weeks old...and somehow we have all survived. Throughout these last few weeks I have heard a lot of "Supermom" comments. While it is nice hearing that, I must admit that I feel a bit shameful when people say that because I am a many super things...but Supermom I am not!

I am:

Super tired

Super exhausted 

Super impatient 

Super hormonal

Super emotional 

Super weepy

Super crabby

Super stir-crazy

Super in love 

...Supermom does not make the list. 

My days are filled with more screaming than silence. Babies screaming, Peyton screaming, mommy screaming.  Amongst the screaming is lots of crying. All 3 kids crying for my attention...and me usually crying because I can't give all of them the attention they need at the same time. I often feel like Peyton takes the back burner because there are 2 little babies 100% dependent on me. And while trying to breastfeed or whatnot I end up yelling at Peyton because I can't fully manage her toddler behaviors. Than I feel like an ultra shitty parent for just screaming at my 2 year old. That is not the type of parenting I believe in or the type of parent I want to be...and that is definitely not Supermom parenting. 

Don't get me wrong, we have our good days...but those are definitely not in the majority.  

I recently read a blog post about screaming at your children. It was pretty hard to read becuase it hit home. The post talked about life getting the best of her and the result being a lack of patience and screaming at her children...and thus the children being afraid of her. I felt a sudden pit in my stomach as I thought about how much yelling and screaming Peyton has been the brunt of the last several weeks. It truly broke my heart and made me want to wake Peyton up from her nap just to hug and cuddle her and tell her I was sorry.   

Since reading this, I have really been trying to stay calm and try to talk to Peyton rather than raise my voice, or scream or yell or pull her away from whatever havoc she is causing. Some moments are better than others...but I'm trying! I want Peyton to grow up knowing why things are okay to do or not okay to do...I don't want her growing up being afraid that mommy is going to yell at her. 

So while I most certainly am not Supermom, I am trying super-hard to be a better mom. 

Happy Due Date

There is something surreal about today being the boys actual due date.  When we first found out we were pregnant, we were expecting 1 sweet baby in early November! And now....we have 2 sweet boys already 2 weeks old. 

9 months ago when we began this journey, we had no clue what we were really getting into.  And even less of a clue when we found out it was twins. 

Currently, it's 7:30 in the morning. I have been up for several hours already.  I have Jensen sleeping in the crib next to the bed and Trevor (who had proven to be quite the cuddler and a mama's boy) sleeping on my left shoulder while I pump  my right boob and am somehow blogging with a "free" hand! Extreme multitasking.

Most days I spend my mornings in bed trying to get 3 kids fed, diaper changed and either calm or sleeping and get a pumping session in...sometimes this is successful and sometimes it's not!  The challenge is obviously when I have 2 newborns that both need to be held and calmed at the same time...meanwhile my almost 2 year old is climbing on things and riffling through drawers. I won't lie, sometimes there are tears (from me) before I can successfully get 3 happy/content kids. 

Once we make it past the morning, our afternoons tend to be a bit calmer (though not always)!!  Bryce and I work together to get both boys fed and changed in the middle of the night. I usually end up with one or more babies sleeping on me in between nightly feeds...I can't say I mind. I LOVE baby cuddles. 

I think one of the hardest things has been figuring out how to feed 2 babies. Breastfeeding was important to me....and both boys took to it nicely.  The struggle is that they both enjoy nursing for long periods of time and we aren't yet ready for tandem nursing. So it makes it hard when both boys are hungry at the same time. We have had to do some supplementing to keep their weights up. So we have been experimenting with ways of using the supplementing to help us manage most effectively TWO hungry babies. It's hard to know we have to supplement because I can't fully keep up with them...but I have to remind myself...I'm only one person and I have 3 kids all under 2 years of age that all need my attention and care...I'm doing the best that I can!

And so here we are, a family of 5...with an almost 2 year old and 2 newborns (who are already 2 weeks old!!). And this is now our life...and we are figuring it out one day at a time.