Super...what!?!?

The boys are almost 4 weeks old...and somehow we have all survived. Throughout these last few weeks I have heard a lot of "Supermom" comments. While it is nice hearing that, I must admit that I feel a bit shameful when people say that because I am a many super things...but Supermom I am not!

I am:

Super tired

Super exhausted 

Super impatient 

Super hormonal

Super emotional 

Super weepy

Super crabby

Super stir-crazy

Super in love 

...Supermom does not make the list. 

My days are filled with more screaming than silence. Babies screaming, Peyton screaming, mommy screaming.  Amongst the screaming is lots of crying. All 3 kids crying for my attention...and me usually crying because I can't give all of them the attention they need at the same time. I often feel like Peyton takes the back burner because there are 2 little babies 100% dependent on me. And while trying to breastfeed or whatnot I end up yelling at Peyton because I can't fully manage her toddler behaviors. Than I feel like an ultra shitty parent for just screaming at my 2 year old. That is not the type of parenting I believe in or the type of parent I want to be...and that is definitely not Supermom parenting. 

Don't get me wrong, we have our good days...but those are definitely not in the majority.  

I recently read a blog post about screaming at your children. It was pretty hard to read becuase it hit home. The post talked about life getting the best of her and the result being a lack of patience and screaming at her children...and thus the children being afraid of her. I felt a sudden pit in my stomach as I thought about how much yelling and screaming Peyton has been the brunt of the last several weeks. It truly broke my heart and made me want to wake Peyton up from her nap just to hug and cuddle her and tell her I was sorry.   

Since reading this, I have really been trying to stay calm and try to talk to Peyton rather than raise my voice, or scream or yell or pull her away from whatever havoc she is causing. Some moments are better than others...but I'm trying! I want Peyton to grow up knowing why things are okay to do or not okay to do...I don't want her growing up being afraid that mommy is going to yell at her. 

So while I most certainly am not Supermom, I am trying super-hard to be a better mom.