Double the....sleep deprivation

Bryce and I were spoiled with Peyton. She is and always has been an amazing sleeper! From 5ish weeks old she was sleeping through the night. We secretly hoped that we would be as lucky the next time around...even though we knew the chances were slim. But we never imagined 2 babies struggling to sleep at the same time. 

The boys will turn 4 months on the 20th and we have hit a wall of sleep deprivation. Bryce and I are tired, have head aches and are functioning at a slow speed. 

The boys have been sleeping so inconsistently. They will occasionally have a night where they sleep beautifully, getting up once to eat. Then most nights they are up multiple time to eat but mostly to be held...sometimes waking every 2 hours and sleeping restlessly on us. We have tried different swaddles, beds, blankets, pillows, positioning....

We keep telling ourselves that they are only little....but there must be some type of compromise. I am fine with getting up to feed a hungry baby...but getting up every hour or 2 because they want be held only to have everyone sleep restlessly, just isn't working anymore.

And so we have entered the controversial world of sleep training.  I debated posting about this journey because I didn't want to be judged for my parenting choices or accused of being cruel or a bad parent. But then I decided that no one, especially those that have never experienced what we are...with 2 babies, is in any position to judge me as a person or a parent. I know that we are doing what's best for our children and family. 

After several recommendations I purchased the book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins.  The book talks about the importance of sleep, how sleep works for babies, what sleep should look like for babies, a guide with multiple options to sleep train and how to do it with multiples. It talks a lot about how babies have to get good night sleep to take good naps and vice versa. It also sets out suggested naps for babies...that the first nap is the most important and they should have about 3 naps a day at this age, with 2 hours being about the longest between sleeping. 

Previously we had been taking about 4-5 naps....but yesterday they did 3, all on their own! The book says that the first 2 should be longer and the last one shorter...we are opposite of that with the first one being the short nap, but I'll take what I can get. It is also discussed how important it is try to get both babies on the same schedule. It says that typically this is more natural with identical twins, which seems true for us. The boys seem to be pretty in sync with one another, so that's one less thing I have to do! ;)

One of the biggest changes that we are making is bed time. Previously the boys would go to bed after Peyton, who goes to bed at 8:30. We would try to keep them up later hoping they would sleep later. However, EVERYTHING I have read says early bed time. This means we are now managing bed time for both boys while dealing with a night time toddler. We are having to make sure that we push our 6:00pm dinner up a bit to assure we can get the boys to bed on time, because an overtired baby = bad sleep...I'm choosing to believe this, since that's likely what we have been dealing with.

So last night the boys woke up from their last nap around 5. At 6:30ish we started getting the boys fed and ready for bed. In a typical night both boys scream bloody murder and take LOTS of bouncing and rocking to fall asleep. But last night, following the lead of their last nap, both boys fell asleep within 10-15 minutes! It was seriously a miracle!!

However, staying asleep when in their crib is a whole other story. There are different methods that the book talks about for this...check and console, controlled crying and cry it out.  Check and console is basically...they cry, you console them...without taking them out of the crib. Controlled crying is letting them cry for a certain amount of time before consoling them, you can take them out of the crib with this method, and you increase the amount of time they cry each time.  And finally cry it out...basically you let them cry until they fall asleep. 

Now I'm not opposed to any of these methods...but it is so hard for me to hear my boys cry...like most mothers, I instantly want to comfort them.  Also, my boys are still very young...so in my eyes, too young to cry it out. 

We started out the first night doing controlled crying and maxing out the length they can cry at 15 minutes. That was what I was comfortable with. It was hard...but they eventually did fall asleep...though they did not cry themselves to sleep. But come 4:00am after doing it several times I finally brought Jensen in bed with me. So last night we needed to make some changes. 

Last night we did a mixture of check and console and controlled crying. We stuck with our crying times: 5 minutes, 10 minutes and maxing out at 15 minutes. But we found the boys did better if we consoled them in their cribs, rather than take them out. So when they would cry we would go in after the time was up and comfort them: rub their belly and head, tell them we loved them and they were doing great, give them their paci, etc.   There were also times they would start crying because they lost their paci, so we would just go put it back in, not waiting the length of time. Once the boys fell asleep, again...they didn't cry themselves to sleep, they got up at 12:30 to eat and went back to sleep after about 15 minutes with minimal crying. Trevor got up at 5:30 to eat and Jensen 7:00...then both boys got up for the day around 8:00/8:30. 

So tonight we shall try the same strategy. Our naps aren't going as well already today...but it is what it is and we will soldier on with sleep training! Here's hoping for a good night!

And for those who are silently judging me for letting my babies cry for a SHORT period of time to help them get good sleep...look at these sweet faces! They are clearly well loved and taken care of. Those are not the faces of babies that feel neglected or abandoned or unloved!!