Still pregnant....

Well, I have officially made it to 37 weeks...a milestone many twin moms never hit. Most twins are born by now...not mine! These boys must be nice and cozy. At least someone out of this situation is comfortable (because I assure you, I am not!).

I have one week to convince these boys to come out on their own. And more realistically, to keep myself occupied.  I'm pretty sure I have already effectively driven Bryce crazy...but he'll just have to put up with me a little longer!

The one week countdown is officially underway.....

10 more days!!! (But who's counting!)

As we are getting closer it's hard not to count down the days and wait anxiously! Especially since we got our induction moved from the 20th at 8:30pm to 8:00am...that's like a whole day sooner! So my count down is at 10 days...so crazy! I can't believe that I can count on just my 2 hands the days until we get to meet our boys. Both of our families and our friends are anxiously waiting with us and anytime we call, they are hoping it's news that they are on their way.  

I'm still holding out hope that in the next 10 days these boys will come on their own. There are lots of natural self induction techniques out there, but because I'm already delivering early...I'm not really comfortable with most of them. 

So the last two days I have been doing "operation: walk these babies out".  Really it's kind of a joke, because my body can only handle so much but I'm giving it all I've got! On Wednesday, Peyton and I went to the mall. I only really lasted an hour...but it's still an hour! Yesterday, we met Bryce downtown for lunch. We actually did quite a bit of walking. We walked to lunch and back from lunch. We walked around his office for a bit chatting with others.  I was pretty tired and sore yesterday.  Goodnews is, sometime yesterday the babies pretty drastically dropped quite a bit. Hopefully it leads to something good.  Today's walking will likely be just getting some things done and cleaned up around the house. 

Ultimately my days are now filled with waking up and saying "Damn, I'm still pregnant!" Overthinking every little thing my body does or doesn't do....thinking, hoping it's a sign of...something! And ultimately trying to stay busy for the day so as not to drive myself or Bryce totally crazy.....only 10 more days!!

(Im)patiently waiting!

I seem to be recovering from my emotional break down from last week. It has helped that the past few days my body has been doing okay and my emotions are not completely out of control....and I will take a few days of sanity wherever I can get it!!

We had yet another doctors appointment today. It was long...lots of waiting and an unruly toddler.  At our ultrasound they did not measure for growth....I was totally relieved. There is something about measuring for growth and them telling me how big the babies are that causes me to cry. Bryce likes to constantly talk about how big the boys are and I have to remind him that while I'm excited they are healthy, talking about their size upsets me and causes a flood gate of emotions!! So not talking about their size at our appointment today was totally okay with me!

Rather, the ultrasound focused on the amniotic fluid level, the placenta, babies positions and of course, listening to the heart rates. 

The past few appointments there has been some...reasons...to keep an eye on the amniotic fluid.  About 3 weeks ago both babies seemed to have a lot of fluid. So we double checked my sugar levels, which were fine. While there is nothing wrong with higher levels, it's just something to be aware of. Than last week baby A's fluid level had decreased but baby B's was still a bit high. There was quite a difference between the two.  This week however, it was good to see that both levels we closer together and not considered to be higher or too low. Yay!!

Last week it was also noticed that the placenta was starting to get some calcifications.  Part of what makes my type of twins mo/di (monochorianic diamniotic) higher risk, is that because they are sharing one placenta the placenta can start to age sooner, meaning it starts to stop doing what it is supposed to. So while my placenta is starting to age, showing calcifications, it is still doing what it is supposed to! Yay!

Baby A has held strong at head down, for as long as I can remember.  However, Baby B is breech. So what does all of this mean??  Well, ultimately my goal has been to have a vaginal delivery and avoid a csection. Obviously, the ideal situation for this would be for both boys to be head down....but they are not. However, because Baby A is head down there is a chance that once Baby A is born, Baby B could flip on his own or the Dr can turn him, thus making it possible to have Baby B vaginally as well.  However, if he does not turn there is a possibility that a csection will be needed for Baby B.  Bryce and I were told that we could also opt for a csection for both babies. We ultimately decided against it. We are going to put our faith in Baby B, the dr and the powers that be, that Baby B will flip and we can avoid a csection. Fingers crossed!!!

I had also asked my dr today to check my cervix, as I have Braxton Hicks contractions all day long, I was curious to the progress that was being made, in hopes that there was some and these boys could maybe come on their own before the 20th.  I am currently dilated to 4cm and "...nice and loose" (hahaha..totally awkward to hear your doctor say!). She said that my body is definitely getting ready and when I start having contractions, not to waste any time getting to the hospital.

None of this really means anything...I could theoretically sit at 4cm until my scheduled induction on the 20th...but a girl can hope! Obviously I would rather go into labor naturally, than have to be induced...so I'll take the 4cm dilation as a good thing and perhaps a sign of hope!

But regardless...the countdown has officially begun in our house...well more so for me than Bryce (I think me counting down everyday would drive him crazy!!). Two weeks from now, there will be babies!! In fact, in 13 days my induction will begin...Eeek!!

In other news, Peyton has decided that right now is a good time to not sleep well during nap time and not want to eat.  She is getting in some canine teeth and I'm really hoping they are to blame for her lack of sleep and eating! She drinks a lot of milk right now, so I'm not too worried about the lack of calories and nutrition she is missing from not eating regularly....but man, these crappy naps are making me extra tired and her extra crabby. I hope that these teeth come in quickly and I can have my good little napper and eater back! Arg...but none the less...we are trying to enjoy our last few days with Peyton as an only child! <3

Self-loathing, pity party....because occasionally I need one

These last few weeks have been rough, to say the least. About a month ago I posted about hitting "the wall" and not being able to imagine it getting harder...oh how I have proved myself wrong.  What I thought was "the wall" was clearly just a speed bump.  

In the past few weeks my body has completely slowed down! I can't even explain how exhausted and sore my body is.  I tell my husband....every inch of me literally hurts!!

The bottoms of my feet are so sore and tender at times, that it hurts to stand up and I occasionally find myself walking on my toes because I just can't stand to put anymore pressure on the bottom of my feet.  

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with my knees aching...why?? I have no clue...maybe from being bent and having the pressure of my other leg on top of it. 

Me, going from sitting to standing is probably pretty comperable to that of a geriatrics patient going from sitting to standing.  I once broke my pelvis...and I'm pretty sure that I had more stability and less pain when trying to stand up with a broken pelvis, than I do now.  Between this and my feet, I usually walk very slow, with a waddle or a bit of a limp.

My belly is so big.  It doesn't seem to be getting wider...it just keeps growing outward, like a torpedo.  This makes sleeping so hard! Especially since there is so much baby in that belly.  When I was pregnant with Peyton, I remember one side being more comfortable than the other....this is currently not the case.  Both sides are uncomfortable. And I have to be fully surrounded and supported by pillows to get even a few minutes of comfort before I need to switch sides again.  My dad came up to help us fix a hole in the ceiling this last weekend and all he could say to my mom was "I can't believe how big her stomach is!" The skin on my stomach is so tight it constantly feels like it's going to burst!!  I'm convinced some days I'm going to have these babies alien style!

The top of my uterus literally comes right to the bottom of my boobs.  Like,

I'm talking, there is ZERO space between the two. This makes wearing ANY type of support incredibly uncomfortable and a bit painful after a short period of time. 

My back...it all hurts, all the time. My lower back, middle of my back, upper back....it all hurts at any given time. 

My arms...well, they are good! Woohoo...a part of me that doesn't hurt!! Until you get to my fingers...my joints hurt which means my fingers hurt to bend. 

Typically, one of 3 things is happening (though sometimes more than one occur at the same time): I am having contractions (which by the way

I learned today, they can last several minutes...super comfy), I have to pee (even if I just went 5 minutes ago), or I feel like I want to vomit.  

I have many days where I eat very little because I have no appetite...probably because there is so little room left in my body...despite this, I have 2 babies that weigh right around 7lbs each. I have no clue how they are continuing to gain weight...or even fit! I literally cry EVERY time we mention how big these babies are. It's like this reminder of how and why  my body is struggling!

But I only have to endure this a little bit longer...we have set a date!  I am set to be induced on October 20th at 8:30 pm. That means these boys will likely be born on the 21st....let the countdown begin!

P.S:

I apologize for my whining and complaining.  But yesterday was a pretty tough day for me...I'm pretty sure I spent more than half of it crying...so getting to verbally regurgitate all of this has made me feel a bit better.  Despite all of the whining and complaining that took place, I truly am blessed to be growing 2 very healthy boys.  Though someday, I will remind them of what I went through for them to be here!

46 weeks.........

Pregnancy...of any kind is an emotional roller coaster.  And that is exactly what I have been on lately...an emotional roller coaster!  Maybe it's even more of an emotional tornado.  I can be completely calm and dandy one minute and then a whirlwind of Blahhhhahhhhhhhhwhahaahah (that was my written representation of out of control emotion) the next!

Today we went to the dr and Baby A is about 5lb 1oz and Baby B is about 5lb 7 oz.  So yep...that's over 10lb of baby!  My stomach is measuring 46 weeks...yes that's right 46 weeks!! My stomach is the size of someone who has been carrying a baby for 46 weeks....(please keep in mind that the reguler gestation is 40 weeks) so my stomach is 6 weeks bigger than most people will ever get.  I literally wanted to CRY when she told me that.  This is part of that emotional roller coaster. 

I have some days where I am determined to carry these babies as far as I need to because I want them to be big and healthy! I would LOVE for these boys not to have to do any NICU time and get to come home right away. That is the ideal situation! Then there are other days (like finding out exactly how huge your stomach is) where I just cry/or want to cry because my body hurts so much and I'm so uncomfortable and all I want is to have these babies right now because I'm just emotionally and physically done!

There are also times that I get so sad thinking about not carrying these boys around with me and getting to keep them all to myself...feeling them squirm and wriggle.  Then there are the moments I hear another pregnant person (usually only carrying one baby) complain about being pregnant...because they are so uncomfortable....and I literally want to punch them in the face....because half the time they are significantly smaller than I am....because after all, I am the size of a 46 week pregnant woman!!! This is when I usually have to calm myself down and tell myself that I must just be tougher than them (not necessarily true...but it helps) and that I too complained when I was pregnant with Peyton. Sigh!!

Sometimes I get so sad thinking that my time alone with Peyton is almost up...and sooner, rather than later, she will have to share me.  And that makes me sad...because she deserves all of my attention.  But then I think about how I can't wait to cuddle with her again when my belly isn't getting in the way and she can actually fit on my lap again. And I can make it around the block with her without needing to come home and put my feet up and drink a big glass of water because I'm having contractions. 

So these are some of the daily struggles that I endure! And I keep trying to remind myself...that there is ultimately a light at the end of the tunnel! And I'm sure that these next 4 1/2ish weeks will go by faster than I can even imagine.  In fact next week is my last week without a Dr appt....I still have my NST but no Dr appt.  Then after that I have a Dr appt and ultrasound every week and I will still go to the hospital for my weekly NST. This will keep us busy and help time to fly. 

Now if only I could figure out how to control the DAMN emotions!!!!!!

5 fingers!!

Omg!!! I can officially count on ONE hand the number of POTENTIAL weeks left before babies!!! Eeek...sometime in the next 5 weeks Peyton's baby brothers will be here!!!!

Getting closer....but still weeks away.

The last couple of days have been tiring on this very pregnant mama!

On Wednsday, Peyton and I were having a normal Wednsday. I took her to gymnastics and she was actually having a great day. I wasn't chasing her around or exhausting myself...she was doing pretty darn good! After gymnastics we went home and had lunch and then I put her down for her nap. While she napped I relaxed in the recliner with a glass of water and watched a little tv.  I had been having some intense contractions....stomach tightening, low cramping, lower back pain, extra shortness of breath...so I was just taking it easy. 

Bryce came home from a dentist appointment and I told him that the contractions were getting pretty uncomfortable.  He asked if we should worry and I said, "no, let me time them. I'm sure they are fine."  I started timing the contractions and they were coming every 3.5-4 minutes. To be safe we called the doctor.  The doctor said that they couldn't monitor twins in the office so they were going to have us go to Labor and Delivery.  

So we woke Peyton up from her nap :( and headed to the hospital.  They strapped me up to monitors and watched the babies and my contractions.  They checked my cervix...I wasn't dilated but my cervix was funneling a little, which she said was pretty normal for twins.  After about 3 1/2 hours of monitoring, with contractions tappering off it was decided that I was good to go home....these babies were staying in! Yay!!  I did however learn that those awesome uncomfortable contractions were likely just going to be in my future for the next several weeks...I just need to keep an eye on them!

Yesterday I had a dr appointment, which was good timing since I was just at the hospital! We got to see the boys. Baby A is still head down but Baby B has decide to flip around so he could sit on his brother's head.  Both boys are growing nicely. Baby A is about 3lb 15oz and Baby B is about 4lb 6oz.  So, yep, I have over 8lb of baby in me! Ugh!!!!!  I also have to start going to the hospital once a week for NST (non-stress test). Basically they will strap me up to the same machines like in the picture above to monitor the babies heart rates and contractions, to make sure none of my contractions are stressing the babies out.  This should be a fun endeavor with Peyton....but I'll figure it out!

So the thing about my doctor office is that it's a larger practice, so I don't always see the same doctor. We have only had a few issues with this in the past....like when one doctor said I didn't need to come back for a month, when I had previously been coming ever 2 weeks for monitoring.  And when I came back 4 weeks later the doctor I saw that day, slightly freaked out that I hadn't been in for 4 weeks and rushed me to an ultrasound.  Clearly, some doctors have different views of how to handle a twin pregnancy....since obviously it's a little more complex that a singleton pregnacy.  

Well, at my last appointment the doctor said around 34 weeks we would start doing weekly visits. When I brought this up to the doctor yesterday, he said "no, we don't need to see you that often."  That just pissed a pregnant lady off.  After we got home I called my doctor office and let them know that it was becoming very frustrating to me that every time I go in each doctor changes my treatment plan. 

Today I got a call back from the doctors office and it was decided that the best plan of action for me would be to see the same doctor the rest of my pregnancy. I got to pick my doctor. I chose a doctor that I saw near the beginning of my pregnancy because she seemed pretty conservative about twin pregnancies.  Which, I think is best fitting for me. Though I have been pregnant before and had a text book pregnancy with Peyton, twin pregnancies are a whole new ball game and ultimately pretty scary! Lots of unknowns! So I'm hoping I picked the right doctor for us.  Fingers crossed!!