reflecting on an amazing year...

I haven't blogged in a while, I suppose I got distracted with sewing and my little spit fire of a daughter.  But in exactly 10 days from today, my beautiful little baby will turn 1 year!

I truly can not believe how fast this year has just flown by.  And I feel so blessed to be able to have the opportunity to get to spend my days watching my little baby grow into a little girl.  

It is amazing to think that in a year she has gone from the smallest most precious, helpless little thing to a walking (not quite all the time but close) talking (everything is a dog right now) burst of personality.  

Yesterday while Peyton was napping I flipped through all of her pictures from the day she was born and just couldn't believe how much she has grown and how much love she has brought to me and Bryce and our families.  

A friend of mine just had her precious little boy the other day and as I congratulated her and held her family in my thoughts I couldn't help but think about myself a year ago.  And I never knew the love that I would feel until Peyton was right here with us and I felt such joy and love that my friend was going to get to experience that same thing. There truly is nothing like it.  

Enough of the sap...as I reflect on Peyton's first year of life and her growth from a baby to a toddler, I realize that parenting isn't about what you do for your child ( yes that is part of it, as we provide them with necessary essentials of life) but really it is about how you guide them through the world and help them to discover all that surrounds them. Bryce and I used to joke that when I was pregnant I was going to be a psychotic parent...maybe over protective.  But really, I am the exact opposite.  

I let my child do many things that some parents probably shake their heads at, but....I don't care.  I live in a house without baby gates (well, we have one...for the dogs) because I refuse to limit my child's play area or live stepping over gates.  I let my child play on the fireplace and the stairs, with close supervision, because how else is she going to learn to be careful or how to get up and down the steps.  I let my child play in the dog food and dog water because, honestly it is hard to keep her away from them.  I let my child unwrap presents under the tree even if it means that I have to re-wrap them later....because I think it is funny.  I let my child make huge messes while eating and feed the dogs (even though both drive my husband nuts) because I believe that is part of being a kid. I let me child crawl on the floor at stores and restaurants (if it isn't busy) because I don't see anything wrong with it.  

The point is, as a parent I want for Peyton to experience the world, all of it.  And for me part of that is letting her be a kid and do kid things.  My job isn't to stop her because people are staring or because she may bonk her head...but my job is rather to enjoy it with her and pick her back up if she does bonk her head.

Life shouldn't be about limits, not just yet, it should be about discovery.  And I love that Peyton wants to discover and that I get to be apart of that everyday.

I will survive!

I am getting ready to do one of the most difficult things as a parent.....leave my baby for a whole week!

I mean, it won't all be torture....I'm going to Hawaii!

Nonetheless, my anxiety has been peaked as I attempt to get ready to go. I know that Peyton will be okay....she will have her dad, Aunties and grandma to love her and care for her.  But the reality is...they aren't me. And we are used to being with each other 24/7.

I also know this will be good for the both of us....Peyton will get bonding time with others and I will have a week to relax and rejuvenate (because let me tell you....this newly mobile baby has me worn out).

On the plus side....Peyton isn't sleeping well....which means I will get a week off of her poor sleeping behaviors! (And a week off the chaos surrounding cementing our patio!)

In the end, I'm sure it will be harder on me than it will Peyton....I'll probably cry....but I'll also survive (and try to enjoy relaxing on a beach ;)).

Letting go...

The next few weeks will be tough as all of my teacher friends and family head back to school and get their new gaggle of students. 

When I made the choice to stay home with Peyton is was an easy choice but at the same time a very emotionally difficult one. I'm not a very self boosting person but I was a good teacher....that was what I was meant to do, teach....and I loved it!  So making the choice to give up something I loved and was good at....even if it was for something else I know I would love even more....it takes an emotional toll.

Though I have to admit as this time approached I have found myself feeling bits of doubt and regret for my decision....did I make the right one? Even though I know that I did.  The problem was that as a teacher.....I gave 100%.   And I quickly learned that for me...giving 100% as a teacher and giving 100% as a mom didn't mix well. I didn't want to be at work late getting ready for the next day....I wanted to be with Peyton.  It wasn't fair to my students to not have a 100% teacher...and that's not who I am.  And so I know that as much I LOVE teaching....it will be there when I'm ready to go back.  But for now my place in life is home with Peyton.

I am so glad that as this tough time approachs Peyton is in such a fun age....doing and growing so much. Backward crawling (she can forward crawl...she just doesn't know she's doing it!), pulling herself up and making sounds that sound a lot like mom mom. This all makes me excited to see what's next and happy that I'll be home to see it happen :-)

Heck, if it weren't for staying home I probably would have never found this new love of sewing.  So as one door closes....another one opens.

Confessions of a Stay-at-home-mom!

1.  When Bryce is home, sometimes I pretend I have to go to the bathroom just to close the door and enjoy a few minutes alone.

2.  When Peyton is playing on the floor nicely I let her play with unplugged cords just to keep her content.

3. Sometimes when changing Peyton's diaper, I change her clothes...just for a cute wardrobe change.

4.  On days when Peyton is fussy I take her to wander Target because being out and about makes her a happy baby!

5. It is so hard NOT to online shop when Peyton is napping sweetly in my arms.

Teething!!

Peyton just turned 7 months!! And with this has come teething...

We had been struggling greatly with sleeping. Peyton will wake up in the middle of the night and scream bloody murder. The only place she seems to me content sleeping is on me!  Bryce and I couldn't figure out what was going on.

Then one day last week, Bryce said he tought.her saw a tooth. And sure enough...one of her bottom chompers was coming in.  This now seems to explain her fussyness in the evenings and need for mom! The poor thing is in pain!

Finally in the last few days the tooth has broken the skin....I'm hoping it decides to make it's full appearance soon...because I am tired! Unfortunately, I think the tooth's neighbor is coming in right behind it. Teething is dreadful!!

Though, despite the horrors of teething, there are sweet stories that go with it.  The other day, early, early morning, I was exhausted from Peyton sleeping right on top of me....and dying to lay on my side (I'm a side sleeper...so sleeping on my back night after night with the little one on top of me is tough).  So I gently put her next to me...about a foot away. Peyton woke up, turned and looked at me, rolled until she bumped me and then went back to sleep. Seriously....how cute is that?!?!!?

Doing our own thing!

Becoming a parent is by far, the most amazing thing that I have ever done. But it is also the most stressful! Especially if you are an axious worrier like me. I am known for thinking of the worst case scenario and dwelling on it.....that doesn't bode well with parenting.

From the moment I was pregnant I worried about EVERYTHING (which to an extent, especially for a first time mother, is normal). But I worried when I felt odd or uncomfortable and worried when I didn't!  The first time I felt Peyton move was a huge relief....there really was a baby in there! But when movement slowed down...I freaked out!

Right before Peyton was born I kept having fears that she was really a boy. So on the day she was born I asked the Dr.,  about 10 times..."Are you sure she's a girl?" And finally I made the Dr. show me that she was, in fact, really a girl!

Babies are amazing. They start out doing nothing but pooping, peeing, eating and sleeping and before you know it they are acting like legit little humans. But through that journey I always have that constant worry, is she doing what she's supposed to be doing? Should she be doing more?

I know that Peyton is perfectly healthy and right where she needs to be; but I know many many babies that are right around the same age as her....and that makes it hard, for an anxious mom like me, to not worry.

The truth is that all babies do different things at different times. But seeing babies the same age as Peyton do different things....is hard.  As Peyton is approaching 7 months she is doing so many fun things but it's hard to see others babies her age doing things like crawling and pulling themselves up, when Peyton isn't doing those things.

I have to remind myself, with my husband's help, that Peyton is just perfect and doing her own things.  And so my goal is not to dwell on what Peyton isn't doing (because she will do it all eventually), and focus on what she is doing! Because there is lots that she is doing.

Currently Peyton is showing no interest in being on her knees,  but she is showing interest  in standing up! She can't do it on her own but she tries REALLY hard to pull herself up and LOVES it when we let her hold on to things and lean so she can stand on her own. Those legs are getting stronger by the day.

One thing I have learned about Peyton's personality already is that she has drive and determination. Once she wants to do something she tries and tries until she gets it.  We saw this with sitting up. From 3 months old this kid tried so hard to sit up everywhere. In her car seat she was constantly pulling her head up to try to sit up. And once she got it, there was no stopping her. She did it all the time.  I suspect we'll see a similar behavior with standing!

While I know that I won't be able to stop comparing Peyton's development to other babies, I am learning to embrace and encourage her own development. So if she doesn't want to crawl.....I'll help her stand!  Who knows....maybe she'll go straight to walking.....eeeek!

Sleep like a baby??

From 5 weeks old Peyton slept through the night!  It was amazing! Not many new babies do that so I knew to enjoy it. At about 4 months old she stopped, but we quickly got her back on track. Until recently....... 

My once blissful sleeper now wakes up at 3 am crying.  She's not hungry, she doesn't need a diaper change....no, she just wants to sleep on mom! The minute I pick her up she passes right out on my shoulder.  While this sounds sweet....her wanting to sleep on her mommy, it is not all pleasantries. 

Peyton is an active sleeper, just like her dad. She tosses and turns and rolls. And now she does this on top of me. Let's just say my sleep from 3am until morning is not so sound!  The part that, let's face it, really sucks is that I highly valued the time I had after I woke up and before Peyton woke up. Sometimes it is only 30 min....other times it's an hour and a half. But I had that time all to myself. I could catch up on my latest sewing project, enjoy a cup of coffee, or even shower!! Now that time is gone because my child has decided I am the new bed!

I consulted my favorite baby sleep guide, The Alpha Parent... and this is what it said "Your baby now has a growing sense of being an individual, and may wake up and miss you in the night."  And so that seems to fit and explain her new odd behavior. While I love and miss her too, I sure do hope this phase passes quickly....or perhaps it has just been a behavioral fluke the past few nights! (Wishful thinking!)

On the plus side,  I do get it see this sweet little face when she wakes up! Man this kid is all smiles in the morning!

Adventures in moving and eating!

6 months is by far my favorite age...so far! Peyton has been showing so much personality and doing so many fun things. She's not crawling yet but boy is she mobile! Peyton is mastering the art of pushing her self backwards. Between that and rolling....this girl can get about anywhere she wants to go!

Food has been another fun adventure that we've embarked upon. Much like her mother as a child, Peyton prefers fingers over silverware!  (Let's hope she grows out of it before her teen years like I did). As a result of this preference, Peyton gets lots of fresh fruit and some veggies (we need to work on that!). in the past few weeks Peyton has shown interest in eating anything we are...beans, guacamole,  hamburger, pasta and ice cream! 

Can't wait to see what's next with our spunky little spit fire!