2 years...it flew by!

Yesterday was Peyton's 2nd Birthday. I still can't believe my baby is 2! And even more, I can't believe how much she has grown. Everyday she does or says something that amazes me. I often wonder where she is learning some of this stuff...and am then reminded how amazing she really is. 

I remember blogging this time last year about Peyton turning 1! And how I couldn't believe she went from a dependent baby to starting to walk and talk. And now she's running everywhere, talking up a storm...starting to use sentences and has no problem sharing her opinion on matters! Holy cow...this all happened faster than I ever imagined (oh no, the water works are starting up!). 

As parents I think we are quick to say we are excited for the next stage: rolling, sitting, crawling, walking, talking...etc. But I have learned that each stage is equally amazing...and in reality they come and go way too fast! 

It feels like just yesterday I was worried Peyton would never crawl and now I can barely catch her when she thinks it's funny to run from me in the middle of target. And I wonder where she learned to say "baby lay down. Help, mama". Yep, she's telling me to the lay the baby down so I can help her. She also has no problem putting her hand up and saying "mama stop" (it's so hard not to laugh!). 

The point is, this stage is amazingly fun...the rate in which Peyton learns something new is unbelievable!

The point is, where as before I found myself saying I was excited for what's next...now I find myself saying "slow down, I'm not done enjoying this stage yet!"  

She's a two year old, with two year old behaviors...many of which are truly "terrible" behaviors...but often times, Bryce and I find ourselves laughing at them...because really, they are more amusing than terrible. And for that, I am thankful for our ability to laugh and enjoy parenthood (most of the time)...because there really is so much to enjoy!

The screamer

I often get asked about the boys personalities. Then I realized pictures of them together explain it all! 

Jensen is crying in all of them and Trevor is just hanging out...Yep!! These pictures pretty accurately explain the boys!

Double the babies/double the snuggles

By far, my favorite part about being a twin mom is seeing my boys snuggle!! I will be so sad when they stop snuggling each other!

Laugh, cry....both?!?!

As the boys have taken over my blog the last several months...I felt that Peyton deserved her own post!  

I have recently found myself stuck between laughing and wanting to cry. At the end of the month Peyton will turn 2....but I assure you, her terrible 2 behaviors are already in full effect. 

Perhaps one of my flaws as a parent is that I laugh when I shouldn't.  And there has been lots to laugh at...or rather lots I shouldn't laugh at, but do, lately. 

Recently we spent several days with my family...and my mom, dad and sisters got to experience a little bit of what my life with Peyton is like. At my parent's house... my mom keeps a nice house...and it is not child proofed in the least! Gorgeous christmas tree covered in glass ornaments, glass coffee table, candle holder surrounded by rocks, candles everywhere, heavy decorative objects....you get the idea!  Within a day at my parents, Peyton tried to pull off and throw several glass ornaments (this was no surprise as she undecorates our Christmas tree all the time, yelling "ball" as she throws the ornaments at the dogs), she repeatedly climbed on top of the glass table and would stand with her hands up in a "tada" stance, she would bang all the lovely decorative objects on the glass tables. The rock filled candle holder had to be put away otherwise Peyton would throw handfuls of rocks everywhere.  Eventually all candles had to be put away because Peyton would scrape them with her fingernail and eat them. Yum!

While at Disney on Ice, my mom and dad were supervising Peyton and said that she literally ran laps around the halls while they chased her. She would blindly run through black curtains...Yep, stairs were on the other side. At target my mom and sister got to experience Peyton's favorite game: I will run from you and laugh the whole time (this is a really fun game when I'm by myself with 3 kids). My mom couldn't believe how active this child is. At home my sister couldn't stop laughing as Peyton would climb on the couch and jump off landing on her butt laughing and saying "butt bomb!"  Or as she would leap from the window bench onto the side of the couch.  It's really hard to tell her "no" while I'm laughing...it kind of takes away from the authoritativeness. 

Yesterday Peyton got into all of the board games (they will now be moved out of reach) and scattered them everywhere!  

She later took her diaper off to reveal a blue game piece stuck between her cheeks...she must have shoved it down her diaper earlier. This was also a foreshadowing of how our night would end....literally minutes before bed time I find that Peyton took off her poopy diaper in my bed!! Poop everywhere...after screaming for Bryce and getting it cleaned up and Peyton to bed all we could do was laugh!!! That one tops our chart for terrible two behaviors...so far!  I'm a bit nervous to see what she'll do once she actually turns 2!!

The simple things

I couldn't imagine having more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving and Holiday season. I have a wonderful husband and 3 beautiful children. 

I'm sitting in the recliner, after Turkey dinner, holding Jensen while he sleeps.  Trevor is napping next to me in the Mamaroo. Peyton is napping up in her room and Bryce is cleaning up the kitchen. This Thanksgiving we stayed home, with just our family of 5 (and 2 dogs!). We have been watching Jurassic Park all day (Peyton loves the dinosaurs),cooking dinner and putting up our Christmas Tree.  We have all been in our pjs just playing and enjoying each other.  I honestly couldn't have asked for a better day. 

I'm thankful that Bryce and I got to have this day to ourselves to enjoy Peyton and all her feistiness, to enjoy the boys and of course enjoy each other. The holidays are all about family and it's great to get to get together with all of your family and laugh and talk and make memories....but sometimes it's more important to take time to value your smaller immediate family and make those memories that really matter, as small as they may be.

We often take for granted the time we spend at home. I spend all day with my kids...but to be honest much of that time is currently spent waiting for nap time, crying when all 3 kids have meltdowns and hoping I remember to feed everyone. So getting today to really enjoy my family was pretty special. Realizing that both boys will have their first Christmas and we need to get them ornaments with their names on it, showing Peyton how to decorate the tree and watching her take all the ornaments off after I just put them on are things that are so simple...yet so special!  And it really is the simple things that remind you of all that you have to be thankful for.....

How baby wearing saved my life

One of the hardest parts about having twins is the lack of arms you quickly realize you have. Without a doubt, one or more baby always wants to be held...and Peyton typically still needs mom to do something for her. 

Since I spend my days at home, typically without help, I can't effectively do everything I need...or my kids need...with only 2 arms. 

My solution...baby wearing. It has become the newest fashion trend in my house. While baby wearing, I can still have 2 free hands to hold another baby, pour milk, play with Peyton...or do it all!!!  

Now...if I could only figure out how to wear both babies!!!

Aside from the excitement of baby wearing....we have had a tough and exhausting week. Peyton has had another ear infection. 

Monday-Wednsday were seriously days from hell!!  Poor little Peyton had a high fever and just felt like crap. She cried most days and ONLY wanted mom!! Thank goodness Bryce's mom was with us to help out. I'm not sure how I would have survived without her help!! I was literally carrying a baby and Peyton for 3 days. I felt so bad for my baby girl. Seeing your children sick is the most heartbreaking thing ever!!  So glad she's feeling better. 

And I can't forget...the boys turned 1 month yesterday!! And in just over a month Peyton will be 2 years old!!

Super...what!?!?

The boys are almost 4 weeks old...and somehow we have all survived. Throughout these last few weeks I have heard a lot of "Supermom" comments. While it is nice hearing that, I must admit that I feel a bit shameful when people say that because I am a many super things...but Supermom I am not!

I am:

Super tired

Super exhausted 

Super impatient 

Super hormonal

Super emotional 

Super weepy

Super crabby

Super stir-crazy

Super in love 

...Supermom does not make the list. 

My days are filled with more screaming than silence. Babies screaming, Peyton screaming, mommy screaming.  Amongst the screaming is lots of crying. All 3 kids crying for my attention...and me usually crying because I can't give all of them the attention they need at the same time. I often feel like Peyton takes the back burner because there are 2 little babies 100% dependent on me. And while trying to breastfeed or whatnot I end up yelling at Peyton because I can't fully manage her toddler behaviors. Than I feel like an ultra shitty parent for just screaming at my 2 year old. That is not the type of parenting I believe in or the type of parent I want to be...and that is definitely not Supermom parenting. 

Don't get me wrong, we have our good days...but those are definitely not in the majority.  

I recently read a blog post about screaming at your children. It was pretty hard to read becuase it hit home. The post talked about life getting the best of her and the result being a lack of patience and screaming at her children...and thus the children being afraid of her. I felt a sudden pit in my stomach as I thought about how much yelling and screaming Peyton has been the brunt of the last several weeks. It truly broke my heart and made me want to wake Peyton up from her nap just to hug and cuddle her and tell her I was sorry.   

Since reading this, I have really been trying to stay calm and try to talk to Peyton rather than raise my voice, or scream or yell or pull her away from whatever havoc she is causing. Some moments are better than others...but I'm trying! I want Peyton to grow up knowing why things are okay to do or not okay to do...I don't want her growing up being afraid that mommy is going to yell at her. 

So while I most certainly am not Supermom, I am trying super-hard to be a better mom. 

Happy Due Date

There is something surreal about today being the boys actual due date.  When we first found out we were pregnant, we were expecting 1 sweet baby in early November! And now....we have 2 sweet boys already 2 weeks old. 

9 months ago when we began this journey, we had no clue what we were really getting into.  And even less of a clue when we found out it was twins. 

Currently, it's 7:30 in the morning. I have been up for several hours already.  I have Jensen sleeping in the crib next to the bed and Trevor (who had proven to be quite the cuddler and a mama's boy) sleeping on my left shoulder while I pump  my right boob and am somehow blogging with a "free" hand! Extreme multitasking.

Most days I spend my mornings in bed trying to get 3 kids fed, diaper changed and either calm or sleeping and get a pumping session in...sometimes this is successful and sometimes it's not!  The challenge is obviously when I have 2 newborns that both need to be held and calmed at the same time...meanwhile my almost 2 year old is climbing on things and riffling through drawers. I won't lie, sometimes there are tears (from me) before I can successfully get 3 happy/content kids. 

Once we make it past the morning, our afternoons tend to be a bit calmer (though not always)!!  Bryce and I work together to get both boys fed and changed in the middle of the night. I usually end up with one or more babies sleeping on me in between nightly feeds...I can't say I mind. I LOVE baby cuddles. 

I think one of the hardest things has been figuring out how to feed 2 babies. Breastfeeding was important to me....and both boys took to it nicely.  The struggle is that they both enjoy nursing for long periods of time and we aren't yet ready for tandem nursing. So it makes it hard when both boys are hungry at the same time. We have had to do some supplementing to keep their weights up. So we have been experimenting with ways of using the supplementing to help us manage most effectively TWO hungry babies. It's hard to know we have to supplement because I can't fully keep up with them...but I have to remind myself...I'm only one person and I have 3 kids all under 2 years of age that all need my attention and care...I'm doing the best that I can!

And so here we are, a family of 5...with an almost 2 year old and 2 newborns (who are already 2 weeks old!!). And this is now our life...and we are figuring it out one day at a time.